Well, tomorrow begins the new year.  Tomorrow begins 2009.  And tomorrow begins new resolutions and new goals.  It is good to set new goals and new accomplishments.  I encourage you to write down a couple of things that you want to accomplish this year.  Perhaps some things that you want to do better than you did last year?  It is good to plan ahead and try to tackle new projects.  Here are a couple things that I am shooting to do better and want to accomplish (not necessarily in order of importance):
1. I want to draw closer to God.  I hope everyone of you desires this, for we can't be stagnant Christians.  We must continually be renewed and continually be drawn into closer relationship with God.  If God is a a person and we are people, then just as with relationships with other people, we can every year become closer to God. 
2. I won't be as lazy!  I've found that I can get by very easily in life with doing little hard work.  But, think how much further I could go if I really set my nose to the grindstone.  I want to work harder at piano, soccer, and writing.  Enough of this lallygagging, I want to work hard.  Of course, easier said then done. :-)
3. Work on my selfish attitude--selfishness with the gifts God has given me, selfishness with people, and selfishness with my relationship with God.  Of course, I know that I will always be selfish, but there is sure a lot of improvement that can be made.  Self-centeredness is one of the greatest seeds of outward sin.  So many things spring from putting myself and my desires first, before anything or anyone else.
      Of course, it's very easy to say that I want these things.  Don't we all?  But it will take a lot of prayer and faith to get these three things accomplished.  Thankfully, God is the one who changes hearts, so as long as I seek Him, He'll fix me in His due time.  But, these are good things to shoot for.   So, what are some of the things that you want to do in this new year?  send me an email or write a post and tell me about it. :-)       HAPPY NEW YEAR!    

At the request of my cousin (who may be one of only a few who actually read this thing) I've decided to put up a new blog post!  Well, these last few weeks have been full of trials and failures and a lot of lessons and learning about where I actually am in life.  So, how can I tell all of this to you while still trying to make it applicable to your own life?  I'll try.  I learned a couple of unflattering things about myself these past few weeks.  1. I struggle to perform in front of people for the right reasons.  Specifically in piano.  I already knew this, but I thought that I was getting over it until my relatives came in and I played for them.  I started to fumble on some of my pieces and got really frustrated and self-conscious (which everyone could tell--making it worse).  The reason? I was playing was for myself.  I was playing to impress.  I was being selfish.  I had been praying that I would play for God's glory (and maybe I was in part) but I really failed that day.  I prayed about it and thought about it and God helped me through it.  He especially helped me at my recitals last Tuesday and Thursday where I really just enjoyed playing and didn't worry as much about what the crowd was thinking about my performance.  So, God's helping me through it.  But, a note to those of you who publicly perform.  Don't do it to impress, because you'll only end up miserable.  Time and time again I see kids get up to the stage and mess up on their piano piece and then start to pout and shut down.  It's selfish.  Play for God's glory and play for the enjoyment of others.  If God has given you a gift, by all means use it and display it, but do it for the enjoyment of others and do it so as to please God.  Do it for His glory, apart from whether you get any affirmation at all.  2. I too much like to be in the spotlight and to take control.  Okay, so I'm a leader.  I like to lead and I like to get things done.  Unfortunately I found out that too many times I go ahead and do things myself instead of delegating and getting other people involved with my plans.  I try to do most of it and I, of course, want to get the credit.  I won't share with you the specific circumstance that made me find this out, but, suffice to say, I learned a lesson.  I learned something about myself that I can work on.  I don't need to be in the spotlight, and I shouldn't seek to get credit for what I do.  My love language is words of encouragement, and sometimes I think I desire to be affirmed too much.  So, for those of you who are leaders, you don't need to do everything yourself.  Delegate and include others in your plans.  You also don't always need to get the credit even if you deserve it.  What you are trying to accomplish should be more important than what you get out of it.  Also, if you are like me, and really take encouragement to heart, don't seek it out.  Don't seek out affirmation.  Most of the time, you will come back wanting.  So, those are two things that I found out about myself these past couple of weeks, and I hope it helped you some too! 

So, the past couple of days have been strange for me.  I had been reading in a book called the Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer (A book that I suggest to anyone who is seeking to have a deeper relationship with God).  He was talking about how faith is being able to see God throughout our everyday lives...being able to have Him in the back of our mind all the time...almost like being in His presence continually.  Well, I had been praying that God would help me to see Him and that I would always have Him in the back of my mind.  Well, He granted my prayer and, for a while, I was really feeling close to Him.  When I prayed, it was like I was so near to Him, and even when I wasn't directly talking to God, I felt really close to Him.  But, this hasn't been the case for the past couple of days or so.  I haven't felt real close to God.  I haven't felt near to Him when I've prayed.  It seems harder to focus when I pray.  I struggle to know His will on some things.  I don't feel as close to Him.  So, what has changed?  Do I have unconfessed sin?  Well, I thought about that and asked forgiveness for anything that I've done wrong.  So, why is it different?  Why am I not as close to God?  The answer lies in a refrazing of the question.  Is it that I am not as close to God, or is it that I don't feel as close to God?  Maybe both, or maybe just the latter.  I was reading another book by Tozer (called the Root of Righteousness) and He talked about that.  He said that sometimes God just decides to hide Himself.  It's like He's testing me to see my commitment or something.  Well, I still don't feel as close, but that's okay.  Christianity isn't about feelings, and Christianity isn't about me.  I will worship my God not matter if I feel in His presence or not.  I can rest on His promises, and I pray that that is enough.  I know that God loves me, forgives me, and desires a deeper relationship with me.  He hasn't abandoned me, and He never will.  I need to base my relationship on who He is, not on what I feelings tell me.  I love feeling close to Him, and it is such a blessing, but I know that though my emotions wax and wain, God never will.  So, please pray that I will regain the feeling of a close relationship with Him, but also pray that I won't falter, even when I my feelings give way.  Thanks. ;)