I am sooo sorry I haven't posted lately, or put the hymn of the week up last week.  I really need to do better.  This ties into my post.  It's really my responsibility to post those hymns and continue to post on the blog.  I've found that responsibility had been a theme recently for me.  I've also noticed God's patience in my life.  Remember when I talked about not practicing piano when I should have and how I needed to be more responsible?  Well, I've fallen right back into that attitude.  I have the state piano competition tomorrow, but I started to slack off on my practicing at the beginning of the week.  My brother's are home from college, and so I've been really distracted from piano and school to be with them and do things with them.  I started to push off piano, and then at the end of the day find that I really haven't done enough practicing (a week before state!).  It's my responsibility to be practicing--to my parents who are paying for my piano, to God who has given me this ability to play and given me the great opportunity to go to state, to my teacher, and to myself.  It is my responsibility, and I was being irresponsible.  This has taught me two things: one is that I fail so many times, even when I recognize that I have been doing something wrong.  I talked to you about my irresponsibility in not practicing just a couple of weeks ago and now I've fallen back into it.  I still fail a lot.  But, I've also seen how forgiving and patient God is with me.  I mean I fail so many times, and fall into the same old sins, yet God is soo patient with me!  I'm sure not that patient with other people who do the same things over and over again.  God is so good, and I need to learn to be like Him.

   I've also seen another thing about responsibility.  The past two weeks have been spiritually hard for me.  I wasn't feeling close to God, and I wasn't having joy.  Satan was attacking me, and it was really getting me tired.  I was getting attacked and tempted and I wasn't getting relief.  I was really struggling one night to resist Satan and really obey God.  I knew what was right, and though it was hard, I knew it was my responsibility to obey God.  The next day was still hard, and I wasn't feeling much relief.  I didn't understand how I tried my best to be obedient, and I still didn't feel close to God, and I still didn't feel joy.  I was feeling discouraged, but I knew it was my responsibility to be obedient no matter what I got out of it.  I didn't feel any joy, but I knew that no matter if God gave me joy or not, it was still my responsibility to obey.  Well, God has given me that joy now, and I do feel close to Him now,  Satan isn't attacking me , and things look brighter.  Sometimes, it is so hard to do what we are supposed to do, and sometimes it is so hard to continue to obey when it doesn't seem like we get anything out of it.  But, God does reward those who diligently seek Him, though He may wait a little bit to test you.  So, I guess to wrap up what I've been saying, It is so important to follow through on your responsibilities, both physical and spiritual.  God is always watching, and He sees your struggle to do what is right.  So to those of you who are struggling to be responsible with some things in your life, pray that God will help you, cause He will.  And for those of you who are wearied with your struggles, and you don't feel like it's doing anything, God is watching, and He will reward those who diligently seek Him. 

  God has really been helping me love Him more and desire to please Him.  He's been showing me how much He loves me and is patient with me, and it is helpful to see that.  He did something really cool for me Wednesday.  I had really been feeling down about my friendships with some people, and I didn't feel very loved by many people.  While I was telling my mom about it, I cried a little.  Things were just not feeling so great.  I knew God cared about me, and that comforted me, but He decided to show that people really did love me.  First, and friend from Bryan that was about to leave for the summer took the time to drive to my house and say goodbye.  Something I never expected.  Then after Bible study (we have Bible study every Wednesday at my house for adults) one of my youth leader talked to me for an hour.  Time is big thing for me, and it meant so much that she would spend an hour talking to me when she could have gone home, or talked with my parents or whatever.  God showed me there that people really do love me.  It was really cool to see God working.  But, He actually tested me a couple of days ago and really seemed far away from me.  I wasn't at peace and I wasn't joyful, and it was very hard to talk to Him.  It didn't seem like He loved me as much anymore.  But, I knew that God was the same and loved me the same even when it feels like He doesn't.  So, I had to try to obey and carry on my relationship with Him, even though it didn't seem like He cared. But He did.  Well, it's better now, but it was just like a little test or something.  God moves in a mysterious way, and I don't understand, but that's okay.  He's also been teaching me to not care about other people thinking well of me.  I had seen that I put a lot of stock in other's opinions of me and thinking well of me, and so He decided to help me along in not putting as much stock in it by testing me.  We have a piano recital coming up this Thursday, and it is a big honor to be the last person to play.  They save that spot for the best pianist (usually), and it is the piece that everyone ends on, so it really resonates in their minds.  Anyway, I had finally gotten to that point and my teacher told me that I could be the last one to play.  I was very glad to hear this.  Well, yesterday a friend of mine told me that it changed and she was now going to be playing last.  This really made me frustrated.  That was my honor...my privilege...and it was taken away.  I wanted people to see me playing last...I wanted people to be thinking about my pieces.  But, with God's help, I was able to respond better and not get all bent out of shape about it or angry about it.  I'm still disappointed, but it is for the best, and it doesn't matter who gets credit and it doesn't matter who people thinks is the best or who people think about.  I am going to play my pieces for God's glory and I am going to play for the enjoyment of the people there and my own.  So, God is still teaching me a lot and I know that I have so many things to work on, but He is slowly helping me through it all.  What about you?  How has your relationship with God been?  Thanks for listening to me!  I know that you guys love me because you keep reading my posts! 

Hey guys!  I am so sorry that it had been so long since I've posted last...I hope you haven't given up on me.  But, though I haven't been writing, I still have been growing.  God has been really working in my life, but in different ways than usual.  A couple of week ago, I had a very scary and personal run-in with Satan...I could feel his presence around me and my prayers and singing didn't seem to do much...finally, I heard a very strange, deep sound, that I think may have been a demon.  Whatever it was, I was afraid.  I wasn't trusting God as I should, forgetting the promises He has given us about protection.  Christ has conquered Satan, and he can do nothing to us without God's permission.  Why should I fear?  But, after that very dark experience, God followed it up with one of the most blessed weeks of my life.  It was so full of joy and peace and blessings.  God really showed me his marvelous grace in my life, giving me and revealing to me His great gifts ion my life.  Sometimes, it's hard to see what God is doing in my life and what God is doing for me...but God revealed some of it to me, and it was so cool!  I felt an utter sense of indebtedness to Him for what He has done and is doing in my life.  I especially marveled at how much he cares about the little things in my life.  He cares.  It is so cool.  Well, the next couple weeks were still full of joy and peace, but other things happened too.  For many months I have desired to be used by God to help and council people.  Well, God had been telling me no (well, in a way).  But I have been given an opportunity to help someone now.  It is a hard thing, to try to help someone spiritually, and it is a lot different than I expected.  This person has never come to me for advice or anything, but through conversations and things, I've been given the opportunity to help this person.  And you know what?  I've come to realize that no matter what I do, I can't change someone.  I am no one special, and no one with great wisdom.  God is the one who can change someone and really help.  God is the only one who can use my words to good effect.  I am nothing special, but God can use me for something special.  Also, I see one reason why God hasn't given me a whole lot of opportunity to council someone.  I first need to be committed to Him, serving Him, and in a good relationship with Him, before I try to help others.  I've also learned that God can use me to help others in so many ways that just trying to give them advice...my everyday activity and relationships with people make a big difference, and this is why it is so important that I have a good relationship with God.  If I don't, can I really be a good influence?  God is helping me to really thirst for Him and desire that relationship with Him, because I see how much He really does love me.  And now I see that a good relationship with God, can help me to be a good influence on others too.  So, that is basically my life right now.  God is good and God is loving and that just makes me so happy!  I'll talk to you soon!