I love God and I love life.  Is there a conflict?  Well, there doesn't have to be, but there is a conflict in my life.  I was reading an excerpt from a book by A.W. Tozer (if you haven't heard of him, I strongly suggest you read some of his books).  He was talking about how we Christians are luke-warm about Christ's return to earth.  We're luke-warm about seeing His face.  We're luke-warm about seeing and being with the Savior of our souls.  He gave two reasons for this, but I want to focus on the second (I might talk about the first in another post, but the second convicted me in a way).  He said, "Christians are so comfortable in this world that they have no desire to leave it."  He goes on to speak that the comfortableness that we have as Christians has kept us from looking upwards.  Now, he's not saying that our life should be miserable, or that anyone who enjoys this life (which is a great gift from God! :-) )  is not loving God or something.  But, he is saying that He doesn't see people really yearning or thirsting to see Christ and to be with Him.  They aren't yearning for His return.  I feel this a lot.  I start to think about if Christ returned soon, and I don't get too happy about.  I love life and I love the people here.  I love what I have and who I am.  I love what my future may hold, and I don't want that to end.  Do I love God and want to serve Him as best I can?  Absolutely!  But do I have a yearning to see Christ, the Man who made loving and serving Him possible?  Not as much as I should.  I find that I am so content to stay here on earth where I'm happy that I don't want to leave it and be with God.  It's sad but it's true.  I pray that I will come to a greater understanding of the Love of Christ and of who He is.  I pray that I will have a better relationship with Him so that I really do yearn to see Him and thank Him and worship Him!  I mean, Christ is in heaven seated next to His Father, ruling the universe, yet His joy is not yet complete until all His sheep are with Him.  Yet I, a sheep, and one who deserves nothing that I have been given, sometimes don't desire to be with Him?  But, I am thankful that God has shown me this weakness and I know that He will be working on my heart in this area.  Wow, how patient our God is!  

  You know, God teaches us a lot.  There’s a lot of learning that goes on during just one week, but sometimes, the learning isn’t explicitly ‘spiritual.’  One main thing that I’ve really been seeing lately is my procrastination/prioritizing.  I find that I put off the things that I don’t want to do, but many times the things that I don’t want to do are the things that are some of the most important.  Example: Sunday is a day that is free from work—except piano.  I’ve got several competitions coming up in April and May, and I’m far from ready yet.  Practice is essential, but it’s also hard work, and I tend to put it off.  Well, Sundays should be a great day to do it, because I don’t have anything else going on.  So, I come home from church and I know that at four o’clock I’m going to be playing Frisbee and afterward, I’ll be eating dinner at some friend’s house.  So, that’s three hours, plenty of time for an hour’s worth of piano.  But, I told myself that I deserved some free time, so I took some free time.  Then, it was getting close to four o’clock, so I practiced ten minutes and then went to Frisbee, proceeding to the friend’s house for dinner.  Okay, so I then have a choice, I was invited to stay and watch a movie, which would end after ten o’clock (meaning that I wouldn’t be able to practice any more piano) or leave and go home.  Well, I decided to stay, and I had a great time, but once I came home, I saw that I’d wasted fifty essential minutes of piano that I can’t get back.  Now, fifty minutes of piano may not seem like much, but it’s becoming a pattern with me.  I’m just not being responsible.  Now, am I sinning?  Well, an argument can be made either way, but it’s just not mature.  The mature thing to do is make sure to get the stuff done that is needed to get done, and then enjoy myself if I have time left.  A good saying is “get the stuff done that you need to do first, so that you can do the stuff that you want to do.”  So, I’m trying to do this, getting my piano done first in the morning.  Also, I’m trying to get my math done right after lunch, so that I don’t end up at the end of the day not having done it.  This is a hard thing—getting myself to do the things that aren’t so pleasant, but I know that it is necessary, and putting it off isn’t going to make it go away or make it easier.  So, while I still need a lot of spiritual maturity, I also need a lot of regular maturity too.

Sorry, it's been so long since my last post, but the combination of busyness along with not knowing exactly what to write, kept me from making the effort.  But, now I do have something to write about, and I now have some time!  First, I just want to say how great it's been having my brothers home for the last half of Spring Break.  It's been so fun and they're really fun to be around.  All those with siblings: enjoy 'em while they're with you, cause it won't be forever! 
   Ecclesiastes 12:1a says "Remember your Creator in the days of your youth..."   That has been somewhat of a theme for me this past week or so, for a couple things in particular.  The first is bringing Him into my decision making whether great or small.  I struggle with being able to discern the inner messages that I get before making decisions.  I get these feelings about this or that but I struggle to know whether it's from God or not.  I then get all stressed and make a quick decision.  Lately I've been trying to slow down and pray, asking God for His council.  This slowing down helps me to listen to what He is saying, and to just think through it rationally.  Both these things are important. 
   Another cool thing I've applied this verse to is remembering God's answers to my prayers.  I petition God so much during each day, and rarely acknowledge it when He answers those petitions.  Sometimes I forget that I even asked Him for it.  So, I've been trying to remember God's answering of my prayers, which He does ever so much.  I found one of those answered prayers a couple of days ago.  A friend that I have been praying for on and off for a good long while (praying for his spiritual growth and his relationship with me) opened up to me about his spiritual life ever so slightly.  He almost never talks about his spiritual life, and when he does, it's pretty vague and not very revealing.  But one day he opened up to me and told me about his relationship with God a little bit.  It wasn't much, but it was a whole lot for him, considering that he rarely opens up.  It was such a blessing, and I hope it continues.  Sometimes it takes a lot of time for God to answer prayers about people, but it is important that when He does, we thank Him for it, and not just take it for granted.  God is so full of grace, but just because He gives a lot, doesn't mean we are entitled not to thank Him for every gift that He's given.  I encourage you to ask God this week to open your eyes to some of the things He's done for you and some of the prayers that He's answered; it may be quite interesting to see what He shows you.   
   So, that was a cool part of the past two weeks, and I'll look forward to see what happens in the next to weeks.  I hope to remember God in every aspect of my life, even through the boring and mundane. 

Well, life has been life.  It's been good and it's been not so good.  But I saw something cool the other day.  I'm on a soccer team.  I've been the goal keeper for every soccer team I've been on for the past six years or so.  I love being goalie, and I'd like to think I'm pretty good at it.  Well, my coach told me that he thinks our other keeper is better, and that he really doesn't want me to play goalie this year.  I was pretty sad about that.  He still has given me a starting role in the mid-field, which I will enjoy, but I was still sad about not being goalie.  Well, we had our first game on Friday, and I really wanted to do well.  My thoughts were all on myself.  I had been praying that I wouldn't just focus on myself, and would have a good team attitude.  It was very hard to do this, though.  I really wanted to impress my coach; I really wanted to score a goal; I really wanted to do well, and I started to become very self-centered once the game started.  I wanted to look good in front of my coach.  I wanted to do well, and it started to become hard to have a good team attitude.  It was starting to become all about me, and it became about me doing well, instead of about the team doing well.  And, even still, you know what God did?  He let me score the first goal of the season.  There I was, practically playing for myself, yet He still had the grace to give me a goal.  What can I say? 
   This points out something bigger in my life.  It points out that God is very, very gracious.  He doesn't just bless me when I'm doing what's right (for, rarely am I doing what is right without any bad intentions), God blesses me because He loves me and is patient with me.  Many times I start to get in the mindset that I'm being pretty righteous, and perhaps God is blessing me because of that.  So, when I did poorly on a Spanish in-class quiz, I started to think, what did I do wrong, God?  I must have done something wrong.  Where did that come from?  That isn't how God works.  God doesn't just bless us when we're being righteous and curse us when we are sinning.  If He did that, then I would be cursed a lot more than being blessed.  God is ever so gracious and full of love, and He blesses us, even when we aren't doing what is right.  It is true, God delights in blessing those who are serving Him, but He delights in something bigger than my doing something that is right.  He delights in me.  I am His creation and His son, and He has taken my heart and is weaving it into a great masterpiece.  And, though I sin and sin a lot, He discerns the heart that He is sanctifying and blesses me because He loves me and loves what He is doing in me.  Does that make sense?  He loves me so much, and He blesses me even when I hardly deserve anything.  Blessings and hardships are all in God's hands, and have little to do with whether or not I do a right action.  God does what is best for me and gives out of the goodness of His heart, not out of any obligation.  He is so gracious, what can I say?